I have loved to write since I was a child and often kept journals, wrote stories, poetry, and even songs. Not yet realizing that composition is my forte, I went on to earn a Texas Cosmetology License, professionally decorate cakes, and graduated from Tarrant County Junior College in 1996 with a Certification in Surgical Technology.
Throughout all that writing was a constant in my life but I never considered that I could actually make money doing it.
Eventually I got married and became a mother to a son and a daughter - one thing I have wanted to do since I was a small child. Once the kids were less dependent on me I debated on going back to work as I am a Stay @ Home Mom. I definitely felt the pressure from outsiders that I should be contributing to the familial coffers - a subject already discussed between my husband and myself. Why do people feel the need to tell others how to live?
I did, however, realize that if I want to do all the things I want to do like take my children to walk the Freedom Trail in Boston, or feast their eyes on the 2,000 year old giant Sequoia trees in California, or to even get a house with a bigger backyard, then the household income will have to increase.
My husband is retired now after 43 years at a local aircraft plant, and was willing to go back to work himself. I told him no, especially after having a heart attack, six bypasses, and a stroke. The last of those happened while on top of Pike's Peak last year while on vacation. It was mild enough to where he didn't say anything about it. (Men!!! Grrrrrrrr!!!) With the exception of weakness in his left leg, the man is thankfully, fully functional. At any rate it's my turn. And I'm looking forward to it.
Fortunately, I have had the time to develop my craft enough so that making a living as a writer of one kind or another is a very real prospect. And an exciting one too. My main desire is to write novels, but I really like this medium too.
It blows me away to think that complete strangers enjoy what I write. It's not about having faith in myself or my work, it's just different than when your friends or family read your work. I guess it's more believeable because total strangers don't have an emotional stake when they comment on a blog or a newspaper column.
I started on this journey of discovering who I am and what I'm all about after an emotional breakdown at work back in 1984.
It was at my first job doing hair; at one of those "fast food" places of salons. One Saturday I had my first experience with a customer who had a bad day and decided to take it out on me.
All I remember of it was that I ran to the one and only bathroom in the store, locked myself in, curled up in a corner and bawled for two hours until the store closed.
I didn't know what had hit me.
Later I found out that I had little or no tools to deal with real life. I was 20 years old yet I was a child in a lot of ways. My best friend was already married and had just had her first child. What a difference!
I was told the following Monday that I needed to get psychological help or be fired. I was in such denial about so many things that I don't remember being very embarrassed or shamed about it. I just remember being bewildered.
Blame is unecessary at this point - it's my life and therefore my responsibility to make changes to it as I see fit. Besides, I'm thankful, thoroughly so. Not many people take the time and make the effort to honestly look deep inside themselves, clean out the garbage, and replace it with the stuff that should have been there in the first place.
There is no shame in this. I also found out that we should all be in a constant state of learning and growing within ourselves. We'll never be perfect, at least not in this lifetime, so there are always new things to learn. If you live to be 100 there will always be more. I've never met anyone who is 100 years old but if I ever have the privilege of doing so, I'll ask him or her. Then I'll post it here.
Anyway, that was 26 years ago. I am filled with gratitude for all I have learned and for how much I have grown. There is no doubt in my mind or heart that God Almighty lead the way. No, He can't lead if you choose to not follow, but He'll take you places that will surprise you if you make the effort.
It's been quite a ride - both good experiences and really, really bad ones too. Either way I am a lot better off now and have much, much more to give to my children, more to be a better spouse, and friend than if I had not been down this paradoxyl and often lonely road. Lonely, yes. Alone, never.
Sit down and stay awhile. I'm glad to have you.